


Mick Jagger's Birthday Party

by piss_america



Category: Bandom, The Rolling Stones
Genre: Caramelldansen, Crack, Gen, Yeah sorry I'm tired, discomfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24811516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piss_america/pseuds/piss_america
Summary: David Bowie and Lou Reed are "invited" to the 32nd birthday party of Mick Jagger, but things are definitely off.
Kudos: 3





	Mick Jagger's Birthday Party

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a random burst of energy last night and finished it at about 2 AM. It doesn't make any sense but when I woke up and read it I was like, ",,,,, Fuck it, someone will read it"  
> So here you go, thanks

Lou Reed stared blankly at the map he held in his hands. Driving beside him was David Bowie, who looked more nervous than confused. It was a warm 1975 day, and the pair were driving cautiously through the wilderness to god knows where.

“Is it right up here, Lou?” David asked without looking off the road.

Lou scratched his forehead and turned the map upside down. “Yeah, I think so,” he muttered uncertainly.

Neither of them knew where they were going. The map Lou had was included in an invitation envelope they had each received earlier that day. They had supposedly been invited by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards to celebrate Jagger’s birthday at an undisclosed location. Lou had thrown his invitation in the trash, not even bothering to read it, but David had soon called him and said that they had to come because their lives in particular had been threatened in the invitation.

Apparently the invitation read in fine print at the bottom; “To David Bowie and Lou Reed: If we do not see you at this birthday party, you will never be seen again.” That frightened them both and David quickly came and picked Lou up in his car.

The two relied on Lou’s map reading skills the whole way there, and the map led them to a dark looking shack in the middle of the woods. There were about five other cars parked there, likely other people who had been invited. Lou folded the map and put it in the glove compartment, catching uneasy eyes briefly with David.

The two stepped out of the car and walked up to a rusted metal door. David put his ear to the door. All he could hear was what sounded like dance-pop music and high pitched singing, but no other voices or movement. He turned back to Lou, who had lit a cigarette behind him.

“They’re blasting some kind of music in there,” David said, frowning. “I can’t hear anything else.”

Lou shook his head and blew smoke into the air. “We’re gonna be murdered in here, for sure,” he said calmly. “This is how it ends.”

David grimaced at his friend and opened his mouth to respond, but suddenly the door behind him swung open. They both whipped around to see a beaming Mick Jagger. Behind him, strobe lights flashed in time with the dance music.

“Lou! David! I’m so happy you came!” He held the door open and gestured for them to come inside. “Come in, come in!”

Lou met eyes with David again. David swallowed and bravely stepped into the room. Lou glared darkly over his sunglasses at Mick as he followed him in. Mick closed the door behind him and guided the two inside.

David looked around the room, trying to take in his surroundings. Above them hung many colorful strobe lights which flashed along with the dreadfully loud music coming from several wall speakers, which seemed to be singing in Swedish. The lights were the only things lighting up the room, which was covered in party tables and confetti. The walls had two long windows on each side and were covered with childish party decorations.

It felt exactly like a hyper-active child’s birthday party, but Mick Jagger was turning 32 that day. Maybe Lou was right and they _were_ about to be killed.

Lou was the first to speak. “What’s the deal with the--”

“Oh, ignore the song,” Mick interrupted, rolling his eyes dramatically. “It’s been playing for the past like, 30 minutes. I wouldn’t have picked it, but Keith _insisted_ we play it for the party.”

“Is it Swedish?” David asked innocently as they sat down together at a party table.

Mick nodded quickly. “He said it’s called… Caramel-something? I can’t remember.”

As if on cue, Keith Richards entered from a corridor that David hadn’t noticed due to the poor lighting. He was holding a tray with several tea cups and a tea pot. Close behind him came Iggy Pop, holding a white birthday cake covered in sprinkles.

“Hello, David, Lou,” Keith said as the two placed their trays on a table beside their’s. “It’s great to see you here. The other guests are all outside waiting.”

Mick leapt to his feet. “I’m so excited,” he squealed. “I’ll go bring them in right now!” He dashed for the corridor and Keith followed him, grinning.

Since he was left in the room with Iggy Pop, Lou quickly cornered him. “What’s going on here?” Lou growled in his face. “Are you in on this?”

Iggy put his hands up in defense from the older man. “Look man, I don’t know,” he said. “I just got the invitation and saw the threat to you guys. I don’t know why you were targeted, and I don’t know what’s going on, but you guys are lucky you came.”

“What would have happened if we didn’t?” David said, putting a hand on Lou’s shoulder to hold him back.

Iggy was about to respond when the other participants of the party came through the corridor. David identified Debbie Harry, Christine McVie, and Dee Dee Ramone. A strange combination of people, along with him, Iggy, and Lou, to come to Mick Jagger’s birthday, but perhaps they had been threatened as well? He expected Keith and Mick to come in after them, but they didn’t for some reason.

Christine was holding candles and Dee Dee had a lighter. The two hurried over to the birthday cake and began setting it up.

Debbie waved to David and Lou and smiled awkwardly. “You two _did_ come,” she said gently. “I didn’t think you’d actually read the threat.” She poured herself a cup of tea to drink.

“Do you know what’s happening?” Lou said, putting his hands to his hips.

“There’s no time to explain,” Dee Dee said as he lit the candles. “There literally just isn’t.”

He was bang on. Mick and Keith hurried back into the room, and everyone quickly backed away from the table with the cake on it. Mick, with a childish grin on his face, sat down in front of the cake. Lou noticed that Keith and Mick both smelled noticeably like garlic, which unsettled him.

Keith put a hand on Mick’s shoulder and addressed the guests. “Thank you all for coming on such short notice,” he said. “Do you know, Mick and I are supposed to be touring the Americas this month?”

Realizing the question wasn’t rhetorical, Iggy Pop asked from where he stood beside David, “So why aren’t you?”

“Your fans won’t be happy with that,” Dee Dee muttered, crossing his arms.

Mick nodded. “Yes, but this birthday was just so special to me. We had to celebrate it but we couldn’t celebrate it on the road, so we rented out this shack. We have Ronnie and Charlie manning the tour right now.”

“It’s definitely a scene, isn’t it?” Keith said, looking up at the strobe lights. “Anyway, make a wish, Mickey!”

Mick closed his eyes tightly and blew out all the candles with one breath. Christine pulled a confetti popper out of her skirt pocket and let it pop.

From then on… Everything went like a child’s birthday party would. Mick opened presents from Iggy, Christine, Keith, and Debbie, and some of them took slices of cake. Mick and Keith thanked them once again for coming and everyone ran for their cars as soon as Keith opened the shack door.

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhhhh


End file.
